Exposed to The Light

I was at a greenhouse and saw a huge, very impressive looking cactus. I realized I had the same kind at home and was curious if I put it in a bigger pot and gave it the right kind of soil, if it would stimulate its growth.

After putting it into a large pot with a potting soil particular for cactuses, I placed it in my bay window where it would get plenty of sunlight. No exaggeration – within two weeks it’s become a completely new plant! It has sprouted new growths, is taller, thicker and has much more character.

I see the symbolism in my own life. About ten months ago I was replanted, put in new soil and was exposed to more light.

I have witnessed a shift in my thinking, a break in past behavior patterns and a sense of freedom and peace. I was asking myself what the catalyst for this acceleration was. I know the replanting and soil created the right environment for it but the expo​sure to light was what my mind settled on.

As I was reflecting on my life and when I first started developing patterns as a child that weren’t good, I realized what kept these behaviors repeating and growing, was darkness. I kept everything in. If I was struggling or confused or lost, I told no one. Our secrets keep us sick, no matter how small or insignificant they seem. They grow in isolation.

This year I started exposing everything. If I had a disturbing thought, I said it out loud. If something was going on in my life that I felt uncomfortable with, I shared it with a trusted friend. If memories resurfaced, I share​d them. I opened up about cycles of behavior I have been trapped in. I chose to be vulnerable. I chose to stop letting what other people might think of me, possible judgment or criticism, get in the way of me sharing.

James 5:16 says, ” Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”

Over the past six months, the lens in which I view my patterns of thinking and behaving has shifted. I guess that’s what the Bible means in Romans 12 when Paul says the renewing and transforming of your mind. I’m grateful for the spiritual maturing and the continual process of sanctification. It’s cool to look back and see the growth God has created in such a short period of time. It makes me think of how many years I tried to WILL myself to change. I would recognize these patterns of dysfunctional thinking and cycles of behavior, would make goals and intentions to be different, to break patterns and practice self-discipline. However, the change would be temporary. The patterns would reemerge, maybe with less intensity or frequency, but it would be discouraging to see the same circumstances repeat.

What has been different recently, that has caused a deeper more lasting change, is my willingness to bring everything to the light. Being willing to share openly with others what’s actually going on in my mind and the behaviors I try to hide, out of embarrassment or shame.

“For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light.”

Luke 8:17

“Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.”

Proverbs 28:13

The light exposes and drives away dark areas of sin. Secretive acts are often performed in darkness. Anything from overindulging in peanut butter, being ungrateful and discontent, to something more serious like feeling unsafe or not knowing how to have a voice, getting myself in situations I shouldn’t be in and not knowing how to get out.

​We aren’t meant to navigate through the storms of life alone. The enemy would love to keep us stuck. The lies we believe keep us in isolation. Vulnerability with others is uncomfortable and risky, but there is freedom in it. Our community can help us heal. God puts community in our life to help us grow, to diagnose and treat sins. Rigorous honesty.

Aside from being willing to share my life with others, reading the Bible with the intention of getting to know God and my desire for the Truth to dwell in my heart and mind, to change it. Also, praying more fervently and asking others to pray with and for me. I’ve prayed countless times over the past six months for God to open my eyes, to see things like He does, not through my broken lens. Asking to be refined, to be sanctified and to be set apart.

“Take care then how you hear, for to the one who has, more will be given and from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.”

Luke 8:18

“Sanctify them in the Truth; Your Word is Truth.”

John 17:17

“The spirit of man is the lamp of the Lord, searching his innermost parts.”

Proverbs 20:27

The one who has knowledge of God’s will, will understand it better, whereas the one who does not listen carefully will lose what he has heard. When you look into God’s word, it’s like a light shining into your heart, to reveal your true self. One of the roles of God’s word in our lives is to illuminate, to give self-awareness.

Once God has revealed something to me, in His Word, about me, that’s when pride will creep in. I will think I could or should be better. Why can’t I just be good enough on my own? I realize I can’t do it on my own. Then I realize how good God is, how much grace He has shown me. The true self is sinful and in need of a Savior. I am so glad He pursued me and continues to.

“Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.”

Ephesians 5:11-17

I had planned to go to South Africa at the end of September but postponed the trip. There were multiple grants the non-profit applied for this year and funding hasn’t been received yet. I didn’t want to make the trip without the funding, so I am practicing that whole waiting on the Lord thing, you all know I am so good at. I wonder if He keeps having us practice things we struggle with? 😉

I will keep you updated on travel plans. In the meantime, if you feel led to contribute to the church and community in Hennenman, please make donations through this website, they are tax-deductible and I will take them with me on my next trip.

Thank you and may the Lord SHINE His face upon you and give you peace.