A spoonful of humility and an overflowing cup of grace.

The disciples didn’t understand some parables at first, until Jesus explained them. Often His audience didn’t have “ears to hear”. When we listen to His teachings in order to learn, we find ourselves in a privileged position. We learn the secrets of the Kingdom. When we read scripture and listen to God’s voice we become true seekers and will hear Him. If we come as a skeptic or with an agenda- that’s what will be satisfied. I want to have the kind of heart that can hear the mysteries from God and understand them. My attitude often blocks my hearing.

When I reflected on my journals over the past 6 months I realized how I was often taking scripture, my dreams, visions, etc literal. I was finding confirmation but the confirmation was coming from a misinterpretation, my own agenda and my faulty lens. This was a humbling realization and a bit embarrassing. BUT the Lord is gentle and oh so graceful. He is using this to draw me closer to Him, to give me a hunger to understand Him more.

Matthew 13:13-17
Jesus said, ” Therefore I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand. And in them the prophecy of Isaiah is fulfilled, which says:

‘Hearing you will hear and shall not understand, And seeing you will see and not perceive; For the hearts of this people have grown dull. Their ears are hard of hearing, And their eyes they have closed,

Lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, Lest they should understand with their hearts and turn, So that I should heal them.’

But blessed are your eyes for they see, and your ears for they hear; for assuredly, I say to you that many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.”

The questions He has been asking me this week:

What are the motives behind my prayers?

Is it to make sense of my life and ensure that I have a purpose?

To gain God’s approval so I can comfort my insecurities?

In other words… is it all about ME?

I am learning more about the Lord from the questions He asks me rather than the answers He gives. What’s my true motivation for knowing Him and His will for me? The truth is, I have mixed motives. The good news is, He welcomes me anyway. He wants us to seek the Healer, not the healing, the Giver of the gifts, not the gifts themselves.

He’s having me slow down enough to open my eyes to what He is doing, what He cares about. Taking my focus off my circumstances and my human perspective and view of what’s going on. A lifting of the veil.

He’s been speaking to me about community. Not going through life alone, not trying to figure things out or accomplish things independently. It’s so countercultural, we are a “do it yourself”, don’t show people your weaknesses, self-sufficent culture, where we are told strength comes from independence and appearing tough. That’s not what Jesus taught or modeled.

He wants me to slow down, stop striving and be still so He can show me what’s really going on around me. The people who need encouraged, the safe space I can create for those He has put on my path, how to BE love and peace in a broken world. Every day the opportunities are there, if we slow down enough to notice, to take our eyes off ourselves, our pain, our desires, to look into the eyes of the person next to us and SEE them.

God showed me that He wants what we want. I want someone to just be WITH me, be present in the moment, to be seen and heard. Isn’t that what the Lord wants from us? Relationship. So if that’s what I want and what God wants, it’s safe to assume that’s what others want too. We all want the same thing, probably because we are made in His image.

I am planning to go to South Africa at the end of November for a short term mission trip, like I did in March. I am going to just be with them. To love them. To receive love too. I will let God direct the steps. I am curious how He will move without my interference.