the long suffering of love

Over-familiarity leads to the erosion of awe, the loss of gratitude, taking things or people for granted and neglect. There is scripture we become familiar with and end up just glazing past as a result. 1 Corinthians 13 is one of those, we all know it but don’t often practice it or take the time to really dig into what it is actually teaching us.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does
not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing,
but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The first way love is described is patient. Another word for patience is long-suffering. To suffer for a long time … that is love? Well, to be able to, or willing to suffer for a long time, is love. If we are called to love as Jesus loved, this comes as no surprise. His life here included a lot of suffering. It’s not natural for us to choose to suffer. Most of us do what we can to escape suffering, not endure it.

All the unhealthy things we do are an escape, a way to avoid or distract from some level of suffering. That suffering could take the form of loneliness, pain, boredom, hopelessness, anxiety, depression, relational tension, abandonment, fear, etc. But to choose suffering? I am not patient. But when I quickly reflect on my life- all the bad decisions I have made, all the hurt I caused myself and others, was due to not being patient. Do you know what was a dagger to my heart about this? When we aren’t patient, we don’t like how we feel, so we want to do something about it; we want to be in control because we feel out of control – we aren’t trusting God. Instead, we are trying to play God- like we know best. We want to determine the outcome. We don’t know what God’s plan is, and we don’t want to wait around to find out.

What I have learned, after years of going my own way, is God’s way is always better than mine. I’ve also learned His timeline and mine never match up. Every time I say, Let’s go! He says… be still.

There is purpose in the waiting. God is always at work, He is doing things behind the scenes, in other people, in you, in me, and it will all get woven together beautifully. At the end of it, you’ll look back and be like, wow God… you… you are something else, now I can see why, now I can understand.

We don’t get much further into the text when we read the next description of love that is a challenge for me. “Love does not insist on its own way.” I have plans for how my day will go, my future, and I want to stick to my plan. This worked decently well when I was single and living alone. It’s easy to live in a self-focused way when you don’t have to do life with other people. It makes me think about all the times Jesus went off to get some alone time and was often disrupted or followed. The times He was in the middle of teaching or serving when someone interrupted Him because they had a need. He constantly modeled sacrificial love.

When David and I were using Scripture to prepare our wedding vows, the statement that made me the most uneasy was, “Will you strive to love David by not being irritable or resentful with him?” I was like: I can never be irritable? That’s really hard to imagine. Will you strive to, meaning, I need to be willing to try, willing to practice, willing to challenge the negative thought that leads to irritability. Really if you take your thoughts captive at the stage of irritability, you can prevent them from simmering to the point of resentment.

Love bears all things.
Love believes all things.
Love hopes all things.
Love endures all things.
Love never ends.

Love doesn’t end because love is a basic attribute of God. Because God is eternal love will also be eternal. “God is love.” (1 John 4:8). God chose us, died for us, and will never leave us.

“Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given me, may be with Me where I
am, to see My glory that You have given Me because You loved Me before the
foundation of the world.”
John 17:24

“God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8

“…He has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Hebrews 13:5

That kind of love is what we are called to emulate. Being love is making the choice, not leaving, dying to yourself- for the sake of another person. We all want to be chosen. We don’t want to be alone. We want to matter. The love we want- that’s the love God provides, and the love Jesus modeled, and the love we are challenged to live out. Love the way you desire to be loved.

When it says love endures all things, that includes the difficult times. Staying and not giving up, rather than fleeing unpleasant situations. Love is demonstrated through actions. It is a choice to act in the best interest of others. Especially when it is difficult. Loving this way is against our nature. We are not capable of loving this way without assistance. We need help… or we need a helper. Maybe an advocate? A counselor? A teacher? The Holy Spirit! God IN us. God is love, so if He is dwelling inside of us, then we can also be love. That’s WHY Jesus left, because He knew God would give us the Holy Spirit.

“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever”
John 14:16

“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach
you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.”
John 14:26

Before I was saved, I didn’t know how to love, I had never experienced it, and I couldn’t force it upon myself, no matter how badly I wanted to. When I received the Holy Spirit, my heart changed. The Bible explains this spiritual heart transplant – God taking away a heart of stone and giving a heart of flesh. One that is sensitive to Him. From a heart that is focused on sin to one that is focused on God. Being spiritually dead to spiritually alive.

We are not expected to do all that 1 Corinthians 13 commands, on our own. We can’t. If you are struggling to love in this way, seek the Lord.

“Seek the Lord your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart
and with all your soul.”
Deuteronomy 4:29

“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove
the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”
Ezekiel 36:26

Once you have a new heart, the Holy Spirit inside of you, your behavior and thoughts will be a natural outpouring- it won’t be out of your own strength. God’s love will propel you.