Runaway Bride

When I think of the years leading up to my salvation, I recall these moments of desperation I had. Times when the consequences of my lifestyle and choices were caving in on me. I would pray out of fear. Beg God. Make deals with Him. Ask for His protection. Despite my pride and foolishness, He actually showed me mercy. I never kept my end of the bargain, at least not for very long.

Only in desperation would I reach out to Him. Apart from then, God couldn’t be further from my mind. He could have allowed me to taste the consequences of my actions, which I completely deserved. It causes me to feel so sad and regretful for how dismissive I was of His grace. When I read Isaiah 65, I see God standing there with His arms wide open toward me, while I ignorantly continue to live selfishly. I just wonder how many times He saved me from myself. How many times He protected me. Probably way more than I can even recall.

“I was ready to be sought by those who did not ask for Me;
    I was ready to be found by those who did not seek Me.
I said, “Here I am, here I am.”
Isaiah 65:1

“I spread out my hands all the day
    to a rebellious people,
who walk in a way that is not good,
    following their own devices.”
Isaiah 65:2

“When I called, you did not answer;
    when I spoke, you did not listen,
but you did what was evil in My eyes
    and chose what I did not delight in.”
Isaiah 65:12

When I almost drowned in the Gauley rapids in West Virginia, why wasn’t that enough? I remember believing that I was going to die. After the raft flipped and I was pulled under water, my foot got wedged and stuck under a boulder. As I pushed off the boulder, my body was sucked into the fast moving rapids. I couldn’t catch my breath because every time I tried to come up for air, the rapids pulled me back under. My first and only panic attack was happening, as I feared for my life ending in a painful, traumatic way, alone. When a friend swam out to pull me out, I sat in disbelief and shock on the raft for the remainder of the trip.

Following that experience was the first time I ever put effort into seeking God, questioning my life, the direction it was headed. I think that lasted a couple of months. Once the fear settled and life returned to normalcy, I didn’t need God anymore, and I went back to managing life without Him.  

I wonder how life would have been different if I would have stayed connected to Him back then. If I would have allowed Him into my heart, embraced change – so much pain could have been avoided. But I chose to stumble around in the darkness, going my own way for a few more years. 

Years later, it took another near death experience to get my attention. Why does it take almost being swallowed up by death – twice – to soften a heart, to open blind eyes? If I was that stubborn, it makes me feel discouraged for all the people I know who don’t know the Lord. 

“For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God;
and if it begins with us,
what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God?”
1 Peter 4:17

I wonder if anyone was praying for me, that God would pursue me, and I would be found by Him. That will be one of my questions when I get to heaven, to find out who was interceding on my behalf. I’m grateful that the Lord didn’t give up on me, but was patient with me. 

“The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness,
but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish,
but that all should reach repentance.”
2 Peter 3:9

I know that praying is the most powerful things we can do. My heart often breaks for the lost. I feel sad for God, who is waiting with open arms, constantly bring rejected and for people that I care for, living life unaware of what they are missing out on. 

It’s like a sad love story. You want a happy ending, when the groom gets the bride and they enter into an abundant marriage. But the ending of too many stories is that of the runaway bride. The groom left at the altar and an empty wedding feast. The runaway bride thinks she is running toward freedom, independence, and adventure, but she’s actually running into isolation, separation, and death. 

I was the runaway bride – always quick to put my running shoes on. The freedom, joy and peace weren’t found until I came back to the altar. 

“Let us rejoice and exult and give Him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
and His bride has made herself ready.”
Revelation 19:7

In those weeks following the river rapids experience, when I was seeking and open, I wish someone would have met me there and told me that what I needed was a relationship with God. I think I would have listened. 

“Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart,
leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day,
as long as it is called “today,”
that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.”
Hebrews 3:12-13

Sin deceives us, hardens our heart. That’s what happened to me, time and time again. My unbelieving heart led me to falling further away from God. Unbelief prevents us from entering heaven, God’s eternal resting place for us. 

There is a misunderstanding of what God is after, what He desires most from us. Many people, including myself previously, believe that He wants us to be good.  To be loving towards others, to not live a sinful life, to help people in need. Thinking, if I am a good person, then I will go to heaven and be right with God. 

These things are valued by God but they aren’t first.  What God wants most is for us to know Him, for us to be known by Him. He desires a relationship. When we seek a relationship with Him, allow Him into our hearts, He transforms our hearts’ desires and renews our minds, which results in a natural progression of good works. Doing good is the outcome, not the condition of our relationship with God. 

People come near the end of their life or survive a traumatic event, then for the first time they are awakened to the spiritual reality of eternity. Like my story, they want to change the way they live, be a better person, “get right” with God. Up until this point, people are distracted by the cares of this world, living in the here and now, not taking the time to consider what happens when life comes to an end here on earth. 

In 2 Thessalonians 1, it says that Jesus will inflict vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel. That those people will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord. The emphasis is on knowing God. The consequence is eternal separation from Him. If you choose to not know Him now, you don’t get the option to know Him later. In Matthew 7, Jesus warns, “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the Kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of My Father who is in heaven.” The will of God is for everyone to believe in Jesus Christ for eternal life. 

“Therefore since it still remains for some to enter that rest,
and since those who formerly had the good news proclaimed to them did not go in because of their disobedience,
God again set a certain day, calling it “Today.”
This he did when a long time later he spoke through David, as in the passage already quoted:
“Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.”
Hebrews 4:6-7

Today, there still remains time for you to consider Jesus. 

I don’t want heaven without you and neither does the Lord. 

“The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come.”
And let the one who hears say, “Come.”
And let the one who is thirsty come;
let the one who desires take the water of life without price.”
Revelation 22:17

The invitation to “Come” is a call to salvation and fellowship with God, echoing the open invitation of the Gospel. This invitation is inclusive, extending to anyone who recognizes their spiritual need. By God’s grace, the gift of salvation is available without cost.